cakeandotheredibles:

im not saying i deserve to be rich and famous im just saying i feel like i was supposed to be

(Source: oliversroom, via lohanthony)

289,851 notes

didihearthereadyset:

So I accidentally said, “my crotch has a hole in it.” Instead of “my pants have a hole in them.” And this guy looked me dead in the eyes and whispered

"It’s called a vagina."

(Source: racingbarakarts, via nudesforfood)

148,957 notes

monobeartheater:

verylittlebird:

a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.

what the fuck

(via now-is-timelesss)

152,731 notes